What's in Your Way?

About Me


I am grateful that you have taken the time to peruse the information on the site.  I hope that we'll actually have a chance to speak or even meet, though if this glance at these web pages is to be the only time you and I will have together, I pray that you come across at least one thought or idea which sparks something within you.  In that case, I will assuredly hold our short relationship as a grand success.

Picture yourself, if you will, hanging out with me at my home and before you depart our time together, you ask if it would be all right if you used my computer to check your email.  I happily allow this, though unbeknownst to both you and myself, my computer has been stricken by a pervasive virus. As you sit down and begin to navigate the home page, you quickly notice that cursor is not moving in line with your shifting of the mouse.  You attempt to open up the browser to link to the internet but it locks up on you.  Assuming that you had only a cursory knowledge of the inner workings of the machine, you might well come to the conclusion that what you are staring at is a broken computer.

But you're not.  That computer came off the line with everything it needed to operate exactly as it is meant to operate.  But it came across some faulty information.  That faulty information got into its operating system.  Problem is, that the computer does not know that it has faulty information in its operating system.  The computer believes that the faulty information IS its operating system.  And we all know that once the problem has been located, you can hire yourself a professional with the skills to extract the faulty information at which point that computer will go right back to operating as it was meant to.

This is an ideal model for how I understand my own journey as a human.  The way I lived, both internally and externally, in the first half of my life, gave many people (myself chief among them) that I was a broken person.  But I wasn't.  I understand that I came off the line with everything I needed to love myself; be gentle with and protect myself; locate and freely express my feelings; understand my mistakes as nothing more than evidence that I am an imperfect human; and live transparently with no drive keep secrets and get loaded up with shame.  But I came across faulty information.  My environment, my authority figures, my fellows; they did not have the tools to support me in my need to foster these natural gifts.  Instead, I learned rigidity, suppression, secret-keeping, third-party communication, perfectionism, playing perpetual defense and living in a perpetual cycle of resentment and fear.  There was faulty information in my operating system.  But I could not see that.  I believed that the faulty information WAS my operating system.

As a result, I struggled mightily in intimate relationships; found myself intensely hamstrung in clearly communicating my wants and needs; understood every mistake or poor choice I made as evidence that I was bad; found it nearly impossible thrive professionally; and regularly utilized alcohol, drugs, food, caffeine, nicotine and sex to anesthetize my feelings.

The same way that you would not sit and stare at the virus-ridden computer thinking that if you just waited long enough it would fix itself, I realized that it was an act of insanity to keep waiting for my brain to fix brain.  I needed to hire a professional to assist me in seeing the the patterns I was blindly following as a result of my faulty design for living, finding the courage to release ways of being in which I had become deeply invested, and creating a new design allowing me to recover the me I was always meant to be.  

And this is the glory I am blessed to have the opportunity to do with others.  With any client, I do not understand myself to be the expert in the relationship.  The client is the expert.  They intrinsically know their truth in a way which I could never garner on my own.  Nobody needs me to tell them who they are.  Essentially, I help them to see who they are not.  It reminds me of a story I once heard about Michelangelo.  He had completed one of his great sculptures and was asked, "How did you create such a beautiful form out of a block of stone?"  His answer was, "I didn't create anything.  That form was already in there.  I just chipped away the parts that were keeping you from seeing it."  That is, once we locate and remove the patterns that are not a product of the client's own mind and heart, what is left?  

I understand myself to be something of an emotional and spiritual janitor.  I let the client know that the window that they are looking out of shows them everything they could possibly need to see, it's just a little clouded by dust and fingerprints.  I am there to attempt to wipe it clean so that their view becomes clearer.

If you sense that your level of joy and freedom to walk this world as the authentic you is somehow being impeded by roadblocks you can't quite wrap you brain around, I'd love to hear more about that.  Let's sit down and have a chat.  It won't cost you anything.  The worst thing that will happen, is that we'll spend a pleasant hour chatting.

I wish you well,

Michael Mark, Life Coach, Interventionist
(630) 484-0574

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